...and we're back!
That was a bit of a slump, there. With the busyness of the holidays (of which I have no photos, because I kept forgetting my camera) and then that horrible cold or whatever it was, I really got off track.
So Happy New Year! The first month of the new year is over already, can you believe it? We rang it in quite quietly over here. I splurged and bought my favorite cheese (mmm boursin) and crackers (mmm wheat thins) and Stu's favorite candy (mmm mnms) and I found some yummy toffee in the Christmas sale section at Fortino's (mmm Thornton's). We rented Julie and Julia, because I like movies about cooking and food. (You must watch Mostly Martha. We have it if you want to come over.)
Whenever a new year comes along, it's kind of like turning a page, or beginning a new chapter, isn't it? I've been looking back on 2009 lately and thinking about the pains and disappointments we've been through. It was a tough year, particularly with regards to a future we were hoping for. There was a time last year when we thought that we were going to move to a different country and start a new life! We were quite confused and discouraged after that fell through, and it took a while to accept that it was not where God wanted us to be.
The summer became busy with my sister's wedding, which was a joy between pain. New students had graduated from the college, and they all received placements, while we still waited. Later in the summer we recieved good news: we were expecting our second child! This helped me shift my focus a little, away from contemplating our situation too much, although it was an everyday thought.
It still is, although the bitterness and jealousy has subsided. God had made me realize that I was grieving the Holy Spirit with my attitude, and as a result made my heart harder and only resulted in more bitterness. There was a point where I was really down and asked why I was still sad and feeling rejected. The answer came immediately: "You're not praying about it." It was true. Talking to God and daily personal devotion helped me get through the worst of it.
Stu is doing very well and school and enjoying it a lot! He comes home excited with stories of the teachers and students he gets to work with. I am thankful that he loves the new path he is following, although a little jealous (again!) of all the new things he gets to do while I stay at home (not that I would trade my job as a mommy for anything!) we are thankful that I actually get to raise our children at home.
I don't know how to move on, though. I still have a many questions about why this has happened, and will it change, etc. Maybe by the summer I'll know how. June is when it will be final, and I will be forced to move on. His candidacy will expire and the dream, the hope, will be over. What makes it hard also is that I feel alone sometimes in our situation, as there is no one else who has gone through what we have. Some have taken longer to get calls to a congregation, I don't know of any who have never been called. The questions I have will never be answered, and I just have to accept that. I must accept that God knows what he's doing! We can take comfort in the fact that he is in control, and will never bring us to harm.
Anyways, that's my little end of the year observation. It takes a while to express what I'm feeling in proper terms, (in this case a month) and I still feel like I fail at that sometimes. Thanks for reading.