I picked up the magazine that I brought home from the mailbox and looked at the front cover. And let it drop to the floor...
The photo on the front was of a new pastor being ordained in a church we had visited extensively during the candidacy. One we had gotten a lot of positive vibes and felt it was a potential home for us.
The memory of time served at seminary, the time that took up so much of our lives came rushing to the surface. The frustration of waiting and the grief of the loss of something we never had crushes me once again.
I don't know if it ever go away. The unanswered questions, the bafflement, the sorrow will rise again from the back of my mind. It's why it is hard seeing images like this, or hearing about what's going on in church politics.
But what I don't know will always be trumped but what I do know. He remains faithful. I can't see the Big Picture that God has painted for us. It may include grief, struggles, questions... And he uses our trials to lead us to a place of deeper dependence on him and his promises.